How Hot Is It In Hell - A True Story
A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question:
"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities.
#1 If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
#2 Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I will NEVER have any sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic.
The student got the only A.
This is the poor EMT who came to work today to teach us all about how to use fire extinguishers. (I wonder who he pissed off to get that assignment.) The colorful folks in front of him are us doing the happy dance now that we know to call 911 if there's a fire. (I added them in with the digital editing on my NEW PHONE!) He is actually saying, "if there's a fire, first do a little dance, then make a little love and get down tonight."
Oxford Researchers List Top 10 Most Annoying Phrases
By John Scott Lewinski November 07, 2008 5:59:17 AM
Not all University of Oxford researchers are uptight and humorless, "irregardless" of what you might think. In fact, a bunch of them compiled a list of the Top 10 Most Irritating Expressions in the English language -- just because we needed one.
Though maybe "you could care less," the scholars in question keep track of linguistic mangling and overused buzzwords in a database called the Oxford University Corpus. The voluminous record keeps track of books, magazines, broadcast, online media and other sources, watching for new overused, tiresome phrases and retiring those that fade from use (or misuse).
The great hierarchy of verbal fatigue includes:
1 - At the end of the day
2 - Fairly unique
3 - I personally
4 - At this moment in time
5 - With all due respect
6 - Absolutely
7 - It's a nightmare
8 - Shouldn't of
9 - 24/7
10 - It's not rocket science
The list appears in a new book, Damp Squid: The English Language Laid Bare, by Jeremy Butterfield. Since it's always possible for the Oxford brainiacs to "borrow you" space on the list for your own complaints, you're invited to offer your favorite overused or abused phrases in the comments section below.
As for this Oxford-educated reporter (that's my scarf over there), I'm going to include the examples I already seeded into this report -- and the internet buzzword "snarky," because "sarcastic" is good enough to get that job done (if that's not being too snarky).
"Your victory has demonstrated that no person anywhere in the world should not dare to dream of wanting to change the world for a better place," said one letter addressed simply to "Senator Barack Obama, Chicago."
Its author: Nelson Mandela, the first black president of South Africa, writing to the first black president-to-be of the United States.
